Angry at your boss or one of your co-workers?

How many times has your boss or a co-worker done or said something, your response to which is to feel insulted, disrespected, hurt, or annoyed? And how often do such emotions get in the way of a constructive, intelligent response?

The mechanism at play here, in my experience is as follows:

• Joe did or said "X"
• My interpretation of Joe's action is as follows: "Joe does not like, respect me; Joe is rude; Joe is inconsiderate; Joe is out to get me; etc."
• I'm really angry about Joe's rudeness, etc.! How dare he!
• I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

Problem is that the story we tell ourselves - that is, our interpretation of others' actions - is entirely our own. It may or may not bear any ressemblance to what is going on for the other person. And we then end up reacting in a way that may be ill-suited and disproportionate to the "provocation."

The solution: when you start to get angry or upset, stop (withdraw if you must) and ask yourself the following questions:

a) What exactly just happened?

b) What are at least 5 possible reasons why it happened that have nothing directly to do with me?

c) What do I need to do to get the "real story?"

d) How can I engage constructively with the individual or individuals in question?